Dealing with a Cheater – Why They Cheat
1) Dealing with a Cheater – Why Do People Cheat?
Most people will never be able to understand why another person would cheat on the one they love. There are a number of different reasons that both men and women cheat, but one thing is for sure: they believe that by cheating and going outside of the relationship, they can make things better inside the relationship.
Some people feel that they’re not getting what they need from their partner. They feel as though they’re not special to their partner anymore and go outside of the relationship in order to feel special again. Others simply enjoy flirting and take things one step too far.
Some do not know how to honor the boundaries of a relationship, and some men believe that they aren’t being manly if they turn down a sexual offer from a beautiful woman. Does this make dealing with a cheater okay? Of course not!
If you have an open relationship, where each of you is allowed to be with other people, that’s one thing. If you’re in an exclusive relationship and you cheat behind your loved one’s back, it is not okay. You are breaking their trust and heart in order to get your own gratification. This is why dealing with a cheater is so hard for the person that was cheated on. One minute everything seem to be going fine, then all of a sudden one person cheats and ruin the relationship.
2) Dealing with a Cheater -The Evidence
When you first suspect your partner of cheating, even thinking about your partner with another person can cause unbearable pain. Adding to this the fact that your partner may go to a lot of trouble to hide any evidence, knowing for sure that he or she is humiliating you is even more difficult.
A number of frustrated spouses write in to me in desperation, against a brick wall when it comes to finding any evidence of infidelity. Partners delete incoming call lists from their cell phone, cell phone history, password-protect their computers, and setup private bank accounts that are impossible to track.
They may disappear overnight or for several days, with no trace of where they have been or a viable explanation. For some people, dealing with a cheater is so hard when they almost seems invincible, waving their infidelity in the face of their partner, smug in their successful efforts in destroying and eliminating all damning evidence.
At this level it can almost become a power game, and for those people left struggling to make sense of what has happened, the infidelity is now only one part of a long chain of humiliations. Without sufficient proof, the cheating partner continues their behavior, defying anyone to prove otherwise. But in looking at this, is there any hope? You can find your answer at Are You Cheating. They can help you find conclusive proof of your cheating spouse. Click here for more details.
What do these people need to do to find the proof they need when dealing with a cheater?
3) Dealing with a Cheater – Time to Heal
If you have been cheated on, you need some time to heal. My friend Jenifer was cheated on by her partner of 10 years. He explained the situation away, telling her that he still loved her but that he wasn’t getting what he needed from her.
He was getting older, he said, and sleeping with someone so much younger than him made him feel better. To this day, I am still shocked that she didn’t scream when he said that. Instead, she came to us and we helped her to get her own apartment.
Jenifer had never lived on her own and was very scared at the prospect. After a few months, she learned how to live on her own. She discovered that she missed her partner, and that while she didn’t condone what he had done, she understood his point of view.
The two worked through their differences and have been happy together since.
If your partner has cheated on you, give yourself time to heal. It may take months for you to fully heal from the wound that was inflicted on your heart. If living with the person is too difficult, move away for a bit. You can stay with friends or family, or you can get your own place.
4) Dealing with a Cheater – Forgive, Don’t Forget
In order for your relationship to be saved, it is vital that you forgive both your partner and the person they slept with. If you walk around harboring those feelings, your anger and jealousy will build until the relationship rots from the inside.
Forgiving your lover and the person they cheated with is the next step in saving your relationship. This does not mean that you should forget what happened. While you shouldn’t bring it up all the time, it’s important to remember what occurred (which is generally not too difficult).
How can you forgive your lover’s other partner? First of all, you need to recognize that the person is not perfect. They have flaws, both in their personality and in their body. Your partner likely chose this person for reasons other than looks or compatibility—such as luck and circumstance, or being at the “right place at the right time.”
How can you forgive your lover? Try seeing things from their point of view, realizing that not everyone is perfect, and knowing that some people make mistakes, including your lover.
The question then becomes whether or not you should forgive your lover, because if you don’t then this could lead to ending a relationship . If your beloved is trying to make amends, and if they are truly sorry for what they did, your relationship still has a chance to mend and heal.
If they explain what occurred and are willing to pour out their heart to you, things can get better. With a little time, and a lot of understanding, a relationship can survive a cheating lover.
Emotional Infidelity: Learn What It Is And How It Ruins Relationships
Emotional infidelity is an emotionally intimate relationship between a person and someone other than their spouse or primary partner.
It is characterized by giving and receiving emotional support and companionship outside of one’s marriage and investing more emotional energy and intimacy in someone other than their spouse.
In essence, it is cheating without having a sexual relationship.
The result of these affairs creates emotional distance in the marriage. They often start as platonic friendships that tend to become increasingly more intimate over time. Some surveys indicate that roughly half of all emotional affairs will develop into sexual relationships.
Although many who have emotional affairs do not consider it cheating, sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with someone other than your primary partner is considered infidelity and an indication that the primary relationship has unresolved conflicts.
In addition, the negative consequences that result from emotional affairs are the same as if engaging in sexual infidelity. Many faithful partners consider emotional infidelity more damaging since emotional affairs are generally more emotionally intimate compared to one night stands or other sexual encounters. The breach of emotional trust is often more hurtful than sexual infidelity.
Signs Of An Emotional Affair
For those wondering if they are having an emotional affair, look for these indicators: sharing more emotional intimacy with your “friend” than your spouse, feeling dissatisfied with your spouse, feeling more emotionally distant from your spouse, and feeling more attracted to and connected with your “friend” more than your spouse.
In addition, hiding any communication with your “friend” such as texts and emails from your spouse, keeping secrets from your spouse, getting dressed up to see your “friend”, not informing your spouse that you are spending time with your friend, are all red flags.
For those wondering if their partner is having an emotional affair, look for these red flags: increased secrecy, getting dressed up for someone other than you, hiding communications including emails and texts, spending more time away from home, lying about their whereabouts, increased emotional and sexual disconnection, multiple cell phones, multiple email accounts, or multiple Facebook accounts, discussing or talking about a new “friend” or coworker, a history of infidelity, etc.
If you would like to know how to find out if your partner is cheating, hiring a professional such as a private investigator is one option that may be beneficial to you.
Causes Of Emotional Infidelity
Emotional infidelity is commonly the result of unmet emotional needs. Feeling unappreciated by one’s spouse, lack of loving attention, boredom, resentment, poor communication, emotional and physical distance all contribute to emotional affairs. For women, feeling unappreciated and unmet emotional needs are the largest factors in engaging in an affair.
Often, it is easy for an unhappy spouse to find camaraderie and meet these unmet emotional needs through a friend or coworker with a sympathetic ear rather than work to resolve the conflicts in the primary relationship.
Business travel, for example, provides ample opportunities for coworkers to bond and become closer. As the attachment and emotional intimacy increases, the probability of a sexual relationship also increases.
In addition, technology also makes it easier for people to stay connected in a variety of ways. The internet makes it possible to communicate with the entire world, making it easier to find opportunities to have an affair.
How To Avoid Emotional Infidelity
Try the suggestions below to help keep your primary relationship free from infidelity.
Put More Energy Into Your Marriage Or Primary Relationship
Those who are in unhappy relationships, those who feel unappreciated by their spouse or partner, and those with unmet needs are far more likely to stray. Affairs are most often the symptom of unmet needs in the primary relationship.
Investing time, energy, and attention into someone other than your spouse is an indication that you need to resolve the conflicts in your primary relationship. Rather than escape via an affair, try resolving the conflicts you are experiencing with your spouse in order to prevent affairs.
Mind The Flirtatious Behavior
It all begins with flirting, which can lead to more complicated interactions. You can stop emotional affairs before they start; don’t flirt.
Consider The Consequences
Before sending a flirty text or email, ask yourself if you feel comfortable sharing it with your spouse first.
Maintain Healthy Friendships
Studies show that those who have friends that engage in affairs will also be more likely to have affairs. We can be easily influenced by the behavior of others.
Somatic psychology is a holistic approach the term comes from the Greek soma (body), which, combined with the term psychology defines that branch of psychology that connects the body with the mind.
Somatic notions have existed in psychotherapy ever since Freud’s days, Freud himself had paid a great deal of importance to the physical effects of psychoanalysis on his patients.
However, the founder of psychosomatic psychology is Wilhelm Reich (Boadella, 1985). Even though his formation was in psychoanalysis, he has modified the therapeutic setting and has gone so far as to touch his patients and ask them to actively work with their bodies during the sessions. His name is connected with the development of numerous schools of psychosomatic psychology and psychotherapies geared towards the body – Body Psychotherapy, EMDR, Bioenergetics, Mind-Body Intervention as well as Dance Therapy (Meekums, 2000).
- The body is the psyche’s mirror and vice versa: any psychological dysfunction can manifest in the physical plain through symptoms that may arise across various organs. At the same time, psychological dysfunctions that are being repressed or postponed too long will manifest on the body, making it ill.
- Making the psyche healthy is possible with the body’s aid: reconnecting to your own body, attention, and loving care for it may also determine the psyche to heal. As a temple for the soul, the body needs our care as much as our psyche. The emotions or thoughts that poison our minds have a harmful effect on the body as well.
- Body awareness: Paying attention to one’s body is also a way of closely monitoring and taking care of one’s psyche. Physical symptoms must be decoded, each one of them having the potential to explain something that is taking place in one’s soul. Nothing happens out of coincidence, the mind and the body are connected and the care we pay to one directly influences the other.
Somatic psychology has a wide range of uses. It can be used for people who don’t necessarily have a keen interest in psychotherapy, but merely want to improve their own personal situation and develop as individuals.
In order to function as a whole, one needs to keep both the mind and the body in good health. Hence, dance therapy, body awareness techniques, and relaxation techniques may prove useful to those that actively engage in working with the body (ballet dancers, choreographers, people activating in sports) as well as to those who need to resolve emotional problems.
For instance, oftentimes psycho-somatic psychology is connected with healing trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder: “Focus on sensation provides a doorway to the unconscious mind, where the potential for deep restructuring and healing lies” (Johnson & Grand, p. 23).
The body also represents a way of exploring both normal consciousness (for example, by focusing on breathing and specific movements we can raise our ability to stay in the present moment), as well as the unconscious (for instance, holotropic breathwork).
Proofs for the efficacy of body psychotherapy have been demonstrated in a study conducted by Rohricht & Priebe (2006) even in cases of patients suffering from chronic diseases, such as schizophrenia.
However, somatic psychology still remains a controversial field and is oftentimes criticized with the main argument that we cannot always associate certain illnesses with psychological disorders. A causal relation between a physical illness and a psychological disorder is almost impossible to determine as a rule that can be applied to all cases, even though medicine acknowledges some psycho-somatic diseases (ulcers, gastritis, etc). However, somatic psychology continues to increase in popularity across the world, claiming to be not only a holistic approach to the individual as a body-mind-spirit trinity but also a way of transforming life into a unique, complete, and revelatory experience.
If you’re interested in learning more about the kinds of therapy and what may work for you, click here.